Where did all the time go? I am constantly wasting it, without regards for it's value, without regards to it's fatal implications.
I'm not positive sure what determines a waste of ones time, but i've come to believe it's time that we don't focus on. Time in which we allow ridiculous fluff, and unimportant worries to get in our way, and impede our purpose. Time spent distracted from or ignoring talents and gifts, or maybe even just beauty around us.
Today i'm going to go take a final, one that, though i've been to every class but one, i haven't done any real studying for. The problem is that while i'm studying i get the feeling that i'm wasting that time, it feels pointless and petty use of something as glorious as an hour. Maybe i will regret this lack of interest in the future, i've been told that academic work is the most important kind, but i find myself growing more and more certain as i spend less and less time studying that i'm using it more and more wisely.
To be completely fair, i have a more than adequate passing grade in the class i'm taking currently, as the subject of history comes naturally to me, or i wouldn't be able to live with myself. The success or lack thereof in my academic life is not the point i'm writing myself through right now, how we spend our time and what it means when we spend it doing unimportant things, is. And something as important as education, particularly in a world as degree centric as this one, would seem to be anything but a waste of time. I'm certain that in my life however, it is. I have many people who feel strictly otherwise in my life, and that, along with a simple joy in learning, is why i continue to show up to class. Yet i feel strongest outside that, walking in other things Christ has put on my heart. Like the written word.
Our time is God's, never our own, despite some apparent evidence to the contrary, and i think one of the first requirements he puts on it is focus. Focus on him, definitely, and through/with him, focus on each moment we're given.
An exhausting task it would seem, to be sure. Daunting and unappetizing even, and one that i've done my share of avoiding. Shoot, i've made an art form of avoiding it. To think of it thus is to be distressingly mistaken however. The act of focusing, both on and with God, is much akin to physical exercise. If you're tired in the morning try going for a run, and then go back to bed. I find it impossible to sleep after that.
Focus is like that, once you start it becomes less exhausting and more beneficial. It draws you closer to the Father, and brings a joy (much like endorphins!) that translates to an energy and drive, and even feeds itself.
And the side affect of it, is that when you focus, the past disappointments and failures have no room, and even less hold.
Focus! Thanks for taking the time to read my unworthy words.